The Blessings of Marriage (Part 2: Fulfillment, Formation & Holiness)

Beyond Happiness

Ask somebody single why they are looking for a relationship, and you’ll often hear a familiar answer:

“I just want to be happy.”

Ask people why they want to get married, and you’ll often hear the same familiar answer:

“I just want to be happy.”

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. God created us with the capacity for joy, laughter, and love. But happiness, as wonderful as it is, was never meant to be the foundation of marriage. Happiness is a byproduct of a healthy marriage, not the purpose.

God designed marriage to give something deeper: fulfillment, formation, and holiness. These unique blessings reach far beyond momentary happiness. They build lives marked by contentment, maturity, and spiritual transformation.

Happiness depends on circumstances. But covenant love anchors us in something more secure: the unchanging faithfulness of God and the growth He produces through our relationships.

So while the world chases pleasure and novelty, covenant couples discover something better. They discover a joy that endures, character that deepens, and holiness that reflects God’s glory.

If you haven’t read about the first two blessings, read that first [here] and then come back.

Blessing #3: Fulfillment & Contentment

Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 paints a beautiful picture of what covenant fulfillment looks like:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow… A threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Fulfillment doesn’t come from constant excitement or temporary pleasures. Fulfillment comes from enduring companionship, shared purpose, and faithfulness that stands the test of time.

In covenant marriage:

·       Spouses share life’s joys and burdens.

·       Loneliness is replaced with companionship.

·       Contentment comes from deepening intimacy over time, not just constant newness

The False Promise of the “Next Thing”

We live in a culture addicted to novel, new, and next. There’s always a new phone, a new show, a new restaurant, a new real, a new experience. Unfortunately, that mindset can creep into marriage. When the “spark” fades, people are tempted to start chasing the next emotional high.

But covenant fulfillment isn’t found in newness—it’s found in depth.

Personal fulfillment grows through shared history, through laughter in the kitchen, through holding hands during hospital visits, through weathering storms together. Deep relational fulfillment isn’t something you find, it’s something you build over decades together with someone you are actively loving.

The Deep Joy of Familiarity

There’s a quiet beauty in familiarity. It goes back to our need for safety and security. Your spouse Knowing how you take your coffee. Recognizing their laugh in a crowded room. Anticipating their reaction before the other speaks. These aren’t small things; they’re sacred rhythms of love that bring stability and peace.

Fulfillment in the covenant relationship of marriage is about growing richer together, not chasing novelty.

A Biblical Kind of Fulfillment

In Philippians 4:11–12, Paul writes, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” That’s the heart of covenant fulfillment, learning contentment. When both husband and wife find their ultimate fulfillment in Christ first, their marriage becomes a wellspring of shared joy, not a drain of unmet expectations.

In other words, covenant fulfillment says: “You don’t complete me. Christ does. But with Him at the center of our marriage, we complete our calling together.”

That’s the secret. A covenant marriage doesn’t demand happiness from your spouse. A godly marriage creates the space where joy and peace naturally grow.

Blessing #4: Character Formation

James 1:2–4 reminds us, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete.”

Marriage is one of God’s greatest tools (I bet you thought I was going to say trials there, didn’t you?) for character formation. It’s where the rough edges of selfishness, pride, and impatience are slowly sanded down by love, grace, and truth. Read that again… It’s by love, grace, and truth that both you and your spouse slowly lose your rough edges.

Marriage as a Refining Fire

God often uses marriage as a refining fire. Not to punish us, but to purify us. The daily closeness of marriage reveals who we really are. Your spouse is the mirror through which you see the state of your own heart reflected.

·       It forces selfish people to learn selflessness. You can’t thrive in marriage if you only think about yourself.

·       It challenges impatient people to develop patience. Love takes time to grow; you can’t rush the process.

·       It teaches forgiveness, humility, and grace. You will both fail. You must both confess. You will both need mercy.

Every time a spouse chooses forgiveness over resentment, humility over pride, or service over self-interest, something Christlike takes root.

In the words of the church father Tertullian:

“How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice. They are as brother and sister, both servants of the same Master. Nothing divides them, either in flesh or in spirit. They are, in very truth, two in one flesh; and where there is but one flesh there is also but one spirit. They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God’s church and partake of God’s Banquet; side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other’s company; they never bring sorrow to each other’s hearts.”

Growth Through Tension

It’s easy to see conflict as a sign that something’s wrong. But what if conflict is actually a sign that something’s growing? Would you believe me if I told you that studies show that couples that experience conflict the most often actually have the best marriages? Dr. John Gottman points out that happy marriages don't avoid conflict but instead know how to fight productively. (Gottman also suggests maintaining a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.) The key isn't the frequency of fights, but rather the ability of couples to manage conflict, show respect, make repair attempts, and use fights as opportunities for growth and deeper understanding.

When two people with different backgrounds, personalities, and perspectives live together in covenant, friction is inevitable. But friction can polish, not just irritate.

In the same way iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), the marriage covenant sharpens our faith, widens our grace, and deepens our empathy.

The Mirror and the Chisel

Marriage acts as both a mirror and a chisel.

·       As a mirror marriage reflects our flaws. It shows us where we need to grow.

·       As a chisel marriage shapes us into the image of Christ.

When couples resist that shaping, marriage feels hard. But when they embrace it, marriage becomes holy ground. It becomes a daily classroom where the Spirit of God teaches love that looks like Jesus.

C.S. Lewis once wrote about marriage, “Being in love first moved them to promise fidelity; this quieter love enables them to keep the promise.” Covenant marriage is the school where God grows passion into perseverance, and romance into righteousness.

Blessing #5: Holiness Over Happiness

Ephesians 5:25–27 gives perhaps the deepest insight into marriage:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing.”

This passage shows us that marriage is not primarily about happiness Marriage is about holiness.

A husband’s love should help his wife grow in her walk with the Lord. A wife’s respect should strengthen her husband’s spiritual life. Covenant love doesn’t just make you feel better; it helps you actually become better.

The Spiritual Purpose of Marriage

Marriage is also more than companionship; it’s discipleship.

In covenant, spouses don’t just share life, they share transformation. They pray together, inspire each other, and pursue Christ side by side.

When one spouse struggles, the other lifts them up. When one loses focus, the other lovingly points them back to Jesus.

What I’m describing is holiness in action, not judgment. It is the practice of gentle sanctification through love.

Happiness Flows from Holiness

Ironically, the more you pursue holiness, the more happiness follows naturally. Why? Because holiness produces peace. It eliminates the guilt, shame, and selfishness that destroy joy.

Happiness is like a shadow that follows you when you walk toward the light.

When both spouses walk toward Christ, their marriage naturally fills with laughter, contentment, kindness, and purpose. They may not always feel “happy” because life isn’t always pleasant or easy, but they will always have joy.

I once counseled a couple who had been through nearly every kind of trial: job loss, illness, emotional distance. But instead of running from each other, they pressed into the sacred covenant they made to one another before God. They had to learn to pray when they didn’t feel like praying. They learned to forgive when it wasn’t easy.

Years later, when asked what kept them together, the wife said, “We stopped trying to make each other happy and gently started helping each other be holy.”

That’s the essence of marriage. It’s not about chasing feelings. Marriage is about being faithful.

The Deep Connection Between Fulfillment, Formation, & Holiness

These three blessings, fulfillment, formation, and holiness aren’t separate ideas. They’re interconnected.

Fulfillment satisfies your soul.Formation shapes your character.Holiness aligns your heart with God.

Together, they create a marriage that’s not just surviving, but thriving in every dimension: emotional, relational, and spiritual. They bring your whole world into alignment.

When a marriage pursues holiness, it becomes fulfilling. When spouses embrace the process of formation, their relationship becomes stronger. And when both anchor their fulfillment in Christ, happiness naturally grows as the fruit, not the root.

Marriage doesn’t just protect love; it perfects it.

The Fruit of a Covenant Marriage

When covenant blessings take root, they bear visible fruit:

·       Joy that doesn’t depend on circumstances.

·       Peace that calms anxiety and fear.

·       Patience that gives grace for growth.

·       Faithfulness that endures over time.

These fruits become a testimony, not just to your spouse or children, but to the world.

People notice couples who love differently. They notice peace where the culture expects chaos. They notice grace where others give up. Godly marriages preach the gospel in more than mere words.

Your Higher Blessings of Marriage

Godly marriage built on true covenant offers more than safety and security. It offers fulfillment, formation, and holiness. These blessings of marriage may not always feel glamorous, but they are profoundly good.

Fulfillment gives your soul rest. Formation gives your life purpose. Holiness gives your love eternal meaning.

Happiness comes and goes like the waves, but holiness is eternal.

When we stop asking, “How can my marriage make me happy?” and start asking, “How can my marriage make me holy?”, we experience joy that no circumstance can take away.

That’s the true blessing of a godly marriage.