Finding the Good

It was the end of an age this week in the Orges household… my 18mo old sweet innocent baby girl told me “No,” turned around, and completely disobeyed me. It was the first time she acted out in this way, no doubt reenacting a behavior she has observed her two knucklehead older siblings attempt before.

No matter how cool and collected a parent may be, there has undoubtedly been a time for every parent that has caused them to come unglued! A sassy retort. The cutting side eye glance. The ever dramatic head roll. Kids seem to know just how to get under their parent’s skin! So how do you respond when your child’s difficult behaviors are about to drive you over the edge? What do you do when, on a scale from 1 - Even, you Can’t!?

Let’s talk about three concepts that can help when you’ve completely had it with your child’s behavior: Pause, See/Say, Picture.

Sometimes you just need to press pause. Yes, as in enforcing a ‘time out.’ Sometimes the best time-out is for yourself though, not your kid (although that may be needed). Allowing yourself an ‘adult’ timeout, or pressing pause, gives you a chance to stop, step away, and collect yourself instead of disciplining out of anger. If you’re a spanking advocate, there’s not really a parental version, unless you want to take up medieval self-mortification, which probably won’t help. Try pressing pause. Give yourself the time needed to gain perspective.

Sometimes you can leverage the moment to teach, encourage, and build up your child. In other words, when you see something good, say something good.

“It’s good that you have strong opinions and make decisive decisions and I can see how that will help you later in life.” Affirming an attribute as positive before correcting a behavior builds a kid up and makes them more likely to use their personality strengths for good.

It isn’t always easy, and it takes plenty of patience and perspective to be aware of how your kid needs you to speak into their life, but your words can destroy them or breath life into them.

Kind words are like honey- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. Proverbs 16:24.

Kids and teens do not posses the cognitive ability to extrapolate immediate circumstances into future results. They rely on parents to highlight their attributes and help paint a preferred future with their words. Quite simply put, our children will believe about themselves, what we say about them.

So instead of growing irritated with their personality strong points, picture what could be. Not every kid is great at everything, but every kid has a God given purpose to fulfill. Every kid can thrive in something. By all means correct negative behaviors, but work to see the best in your kids and help them see it too.